Get Rich Scheme #7348

Are you tired of getting up at 6 am every morning to commute to a boring job where you stare at the same four grey walls, and wait for the flickering fluorescent lights to give you eye cancer?

Are you tired of being stressed out by a belligerent boss with unrealistic expectations?

Are you tired of slaving away at a minimum-wage job, working 12-hour shifts just to buy frozen boiled cabbage to feed your 7 ungrateful children?

Are you exhausted by hours spent being yelled at by customers/ students/ parents/ teachers/ your boss?

If you answered "YES" to any of these questions, then YOU TOO are ready for COMPLETE FINANCIAL FREEDOM!

A year ago, I was in the same place you are now. I was tired, stressed out, unfulfilled, and had recently been diagnosed with depression. I was so unhappy in my life that I contemplated ending it all, right then and there.

But then, one day, I went on a journey to a Peruvian village, and  there I met an ancient Peruvian shaman who shared with me the secrets that the ancient Mayans used to effortlessly gain wealth!

I applied this ONE SIMPLE TRICK to my life, and now, here I am, a year later, The World's Youngest Trillionaire!

Now I want to share the secret of my success with YOU!

You, too, can enjoy fabulous wealth, without ever having to do ANY work! Imagine: telling your boss he can go suck eggs! Never having to wake up before 11 am, ever again! Being able to afford name-brand cereal! Finally hiring that attorney to sue the people who make "Plucky Charmz" for your bleeding mouth ulcers!

Today, I want to share the secret of my success with you, absolutely FREE! With annual membership.

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1. The Frugal Fanny: a 6-month membership, only $49.99!

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3. The Genius Ginny: A lifetime membership for only $999.99! Untold savings! It pays for itself! Includes "Genius Ginny" t-shirt and signed portrait of me, The World's Youngest Trillionaire!

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Ok, so the bit went on a little long, but I've always wanted to know how it would feel to write one of those cheesy websites... and it felt just as scummy and thrilling as I expected.

Why am I writing this? What's my point?

A lot of people (well, ok, SOME people, I'm not sure how you quantify "a lot") see writing as a "get rich quick" scheme. "When I publish my novel," they think, "I'll be able to retire! I can pay off my mortgage with the advance! I can finally get those solid gold rims for that Lamborghini I've always wanted!" (Lamborghini, that's a thing, right?)

These people are in for a sad, sad awakening.

Writing is not a get rich quick scheme. If you're very, very, very lucky, and hardworking, and skilled, then it is, at best, a "inch closer to being above the poverty level very very slowly" scheme. Even if you're Stephen King, it's a get moderately rich slowly scheme. Really, you're probably better off playing the lottery.

All of which is to say that money can't be the reason you do this. 

I say this to you all because it's a trap I fall into far too often--thinking about how great life will be when I'm a successful author, and how I'll never have to work another day in my life. It's a nice daydream, but you know what? It doesn't get the pages written. 

People say, "Do what you love, and the money will follow." But what if the money doesn't follow? What if the money is an idiot? What if you knew you would never earn one penny off of your writing?

Would you do it anyway?

If the answer is "no," then maybe you should take up a different skill. Like making your breasts dance to Mozart. Or burping at 118 decibels.

Go forth, be weird, and don't worry about getting rich. Worry about having a life rich with experiences.

Said the poor person.