Questions Nobody Asked Me #2: Dealing with Self-Doubt

Hello my lovely readers! Today I want to take on another question I've been seeing pop up a lot lately, but that nobody specifically asked me.

(Reminder that if you have a question you would like me to answer in blog format, you can email me at eafinhill@gmail.com!)

"How do I deal with self doubt?"

Self-doubt is an insidious thing. It might start with an especially cutting critique from a valued reader. It might start with an unsupportive family. It might start in early childhood with parents who truly believe the best way to support you as a human is to criticize everything you do so you learn the language of self-doubt before you even learn actual language, but hey what do I know?

No literally, what do I know? Somebody remind me, because I have zero self-confidence.


The thing about doubting yourself is that it's a double-edged sword. Especially as writers, we have to be able to doubt ourselves. There's no quicker shortcut to a disastrous manuscript than to firmly believe every word you poop onto your keyboard is pure gold, right away. We have to question our word choice, our plot progression, our pacing, our skill level.

But an overabundance of self-doubt will kill your project. And your side-project. And all your ideas. And occasionally your will to live. Imposter syndrome is a very real thing, and it's easy to get so bogged down in all our own failings (real or perceived) that we don't even want to keep trying. 

So how do we deal with this? How do we vanquish the twin enemies of ego and doubt, and view our work objectively, while still approaching it with confidence and enthusiasm?

Well, unfortunately, I don't think we can. At least not all the time. The best we can hope for, really, is to learn some techniques for coping with self doubt when it rears its ugly little mug, which it will, as long as you're alive. So here are my 5 techniques for talking myself through a battle with the ol' confidence crisis.

1. Remember Everyone Goes Through This.

The documentation on Imposter Syndrome is vast.

Everyone, even the people you are most intimidated and inspired by, doubts themselves. And imagine how insufferable many of us would be if we could magically turn off all self-doubt! Imagine how much harder it would become to improve! So acknowledge that self-doubt, thank it for its service, and then breathe through it.

2. Remind Yourself of Past Successes

Keep a folder (physical or electronic) of all your achievements and positive feedback. Even if it's from Kindergarten, when Mr. Greene told your mother you had wonderful manners and a fantabulous vocabulary, or a blue ribbon you won on a poem you submitted to the County Fair. It can be enormously grounding to look back at things you have succeeded at, things people enjoyed from you, and the kind words others took time to write for you. Try to ignore the little voice saying "Yeah but maybe you peaked in Kindergarten." Believe the good things other people tell you.

3. Do Something

The longer you sit in that place, paralyzed by doubt, the more strength it gains. If at all feasible, set yourself a goal for the day, and then accomplish that goal. Don't worry about the quality of the words, just meet that word goal. Don't stress over getting the assignment perfect on the first attempt, just write it. With luck, meeting that first goal will restore a little bit of confidence, and you can build up from there.

4. Enlist Backup

For those times when past accomplishments are not enough, you need to have a support system of people who can talk you through your self-doubt. People who are safe, and reliable, who you can support in return. We all need reassurance once in a while, and this inner group is there for just this reason.

5. Say "Ok. So What?"

Maybe your self-doubt is telling you that you're a hack, that you couldn't write your way out of a Walmart, that your ideas are cliche and your prose hackneyed. Well, so what? If you're a hack, then you're in good company. Plenty of hacks make a decent living writing, and have a good time doing it. What's wrong with a cliched idea? There are only seven stories, anyway, that's what they say.

The reason self-doubt can be so paralyzing is because of ego. I know, this sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. If your self-doubt is correct, and you really are a boring and predictable writer, why would that be a bad thing? Unless you were hoping to be a creative, original, surprising writer, that shouldn't really bother you too much. Self-doubt arises because we aspire to be more than mediocre. We want to be better than average. But what if we're not? What if all we ever are, are average people, telling banal stories, with uninspired prose?

So what?

Do you like what you're doing? Is it enjoyable to engage in the process? Do you understand what you were going for in that poem, or that short story, or that blog post? Well, maybe that's all we can hope for. I'd like to go on record to say, that's not all you can hope for, and you are going to achieve those goals. But even if you didn't. That's still ok. It's like laughing along with your bullies-- it takes all their power away.

And once the self-doubt has been neutralized, you can get back to #3: working anyway. Meeting those goals. Doing the things you want to do, and proving that you can do them well.

How do you deal with self doubt? Who is in your emotional support team? Leave me a comment and let me know! If you found this post helpful, please consider liking and/or sharing on social media, and thank you for reading!