The Only Writing Rule Worth Following

If you've been writing for any amount of time, and put even a little bit of curiosity out there about the do's and don'ts, (and possibly even if you haven't), you will have heard some of the classic "rules" of writing. These include:

-- Write what you know

-- Show, don't tell


-- Never judge a book by its cover

-- Cut adverbs

-- Never use a dialogue tag other than "said"

-- Write every day

-- Write only when you're inspired

-- Write drunk, edit sober

I frequently see confused new (and old) writers posting on various forums, asking for clarification on these or more obscure rules. And it gets to me, I have to admit. People genuinely let this kind of thing stop them from progressing in their work, and it kind of kills me. Although I've tackled many of these "rules" before, I've never dispatched them all at once. So, for the last time (HA!), let me set this straight for everyone:

There is only one rule in writing-- Make it good.

Sometimes, that might mean telling, because "showing" would take ninety pages and be very boring. Sometimes, that might mean making your cover as enticing as possible, because you'd better believe people will judge your book by its cover. Sometimes, that might mean writing a space opera epic featuring only gay white men, with graphic sensual scenes and a villain who is a nonverbal space squid. You can do whatever they heck you want in your book. There are no laws. There is no plot police that will show up and arrest you for using "suddenly." 

Tell a good story.

This is the first, the last, the only rule. Tell a good story.

Should you also be responsible, conscientious, informed, and current? I mean ideally yeah, that'd be nifty, but it ultimately doesn't matter. Look at Stephenie Meyer. Was Twilight high-minded, progressive, inclusive, free from dialogue tags, and entirely original?

HAHAHAHA.

So why was it such a mega-hit?

Because, on some level, it appealed to people. It was compelling. It told an interesting story.

What you're writing doesn't have to be perfect (and trust me, it won't be-- and that should encourage you, not depress you). It only has to be good.

Who's to say what counts as "good?" Or define the word itself? Well, first of all, get out of here with your Metaphysics of Quality. We all know good stuff when we see it. And we all see it slightly differently. But recently, I was doing some math (you know, my strong suit). And I realized something.

The population of the Earth is 7.7 billion, approximately. Over 2 billion of those speak English. If even 1% of those 2 billion English-speakers likes your work, that's 20,000,000 people. For reference, in order to make the New York Times Best Seller list, you only have to sell 5,000 copies in a one-week span. 

Basically, only 2% of 1% of 1% of the English Speaking population of Earth has to like your work, for one week out of the year, in order for you to be "successful." If we go out on a limb and imagine that you are reasonably self-aware and working hard, there are probably a few people out there who like what you like. So, do you think your book is good? Do you think your representation of women is too full of adverbs? Because if you like it and you think it works, there's a pretty good chance that at least 2% of 1% of 1% will agree with you. 

So please. I'm begging you. Get off the computer, go write things you don't know, write sober and edit stoned, whatever it takes. Ignore the advice that doesn't help, and follow the only rule that matters: Make it good.

Well, that, and first drafts suck.

God go with you my fellow writers. I'm wishing blessings on all of you and praying that your week is going better than mine.